Lily in Marauder Land
by princessezzy
Summary: A bad potions class leads Lily down her own cauldron.WTF Remus in a bunny suit smoking peace pipe?Sirius' grin stalking her?And why does James Potter seem 2 pop up everywhere?They always seemed weird now there just mental!R&R 4 marauder craziness!
1. down the cauldron

**Crazy idea my friend came up with (please don't kill me Shigure!) it's her idea but I've added my own ideas so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter(sob) 'cause I'm not J K Rowling, if I were the Marauders (-Peter) would still be ruling the world!!!!!**

It was just your average potions lesson, Lily was slumped against her cauldron trying to simultaneously add ingrediants and send death glares to where James was. It wasn't technically his fault she was so tired and therefore grouchy but when she'd asked where Remus (her potions partner for that lesson) was all he'd done was send shifty eyes to Black and mumble something she couldn't hear. For some reason this PISSED HER OFF. If you'd asked one of her friends they would simply have rolled their eyes and muttered something about stress and lack of sleep.

She couldn't think why Remus would miss this lesson, sure he hadn't looked great but not bad enough to miss lessons! She sighed, half expecting him to come running through the door and added something to her potion. Surely Potter, being one of his best friends, would know and didn't she deserve an answer after being made to make the complex happy potion all by herself (it was hard being one of Slughorns faveourites, it really did). She sneakily dipped her finger in the potion, one drop wouldn't hurt and anyway it was for everyone elses sake, who wanted to deal with a grouchy Lily. Answer: no one.

She was just taking her finger out her mouth to go for another plunge when the door did burst open to reveal Remus. In a bunny outfit. WTF!? She waved at him and he turned and charged at her. All she could make out of his high pitch screaming was "I'M LATE, I'M LATE! BOLLOCKS THE QUEENS GOING TO BLOODY CASTRATE ME!!!" Lily stared wide eyed at the usually quiet, restrained boy jabbered nonsense and climbed on the desk. And tried to jump in the cauldron. "No Remus! Don't do it!" She made a desperate grab for him but it was too late. Remus disappeared inside the cauldron taking her with him.

**What do you think? Love it? Hate it? Think the authoress is crazy? I would have to agree with you on that last point. REVIEW TO INFORM (pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssssssseeee!!!!!)**


	2. of doors and clam clubs

Lily fell flat on her face to look up only in time to see Remus disappear through a door. She jumped up only for it to be slammed in her face. "What the hell! Remus! Open this door!"

No response

"You try and perform acts of kindness and they just slam the door in your face." She muttered to herself angrily as she desperately searched for the key. She found no key. What she did find though were 2 potions bottles with the words 'Drink me' written on them.

"What sort of idiot drinks potions which are unmarked save for the words drink me on them?" She shook her head, they would have to be a complete retard, or just a moron who didn't understand basic potion safety, in fact they'd have to be both.

She pulled out her wand and used it to open the door. Ha! She thought, can you imagine the time and hassle it would have taken to open that bloody door if I hadn't had magic. Lily then proceeded to walk through the door chuckling at the thought.

Stepping through, her feet crunching on yellow sand, she thought she heard a familiar voice.

"Step right this way and we shall talk about cauldrons and careers!"

Professor Slughorn! Thank god I'm saved from this marauder induced nightmare!

Running up the beach, she stopped short.

"Professor Slughorn?"

A giant walrus turned to face her, it had her potion teacher's face and was stirring a cauldron. Interesting.

He beamed at her, "Yes my dear? Would you like to join us for dinner?" He gestured at something at the edge of the cauldron. Some clams waved up at her. With some horror Lily noticed that each had the tiny face of a member of the Slugclub.

"yes join us Lily!" squeaked a tiny voice. She looked down into the beaming face of James Potter, the clam.

"James! What are you doing here!"

"I'm here because of you Lily!"

"Yep" butted in a miniscule Sirius Black "he made me come to on the off chance you'd be here. Oh look dinners almost ready!"

"Well in you go my dears!" bellowed Slughorn.

Lily ran. And ran. And ran. Until she was bumped over. She looked up into the puffed up faces of 2 very recognisable characters.

"Didn't I just see you back there?"

"Maybe" they replied in unison.

A/N Hmm not as funny as it was in my head. Oh well, clammy slugclub you know what to do!

**Clams: review please!!!!!**

**Wow that was high pitch.**


	3. two is a crowd

"Didn't I just see you?"

"Maybe"

Lily sighed, she supposed she shouldn't be surprised, Black and Potter had a way of bouncing back, and they were always together, but this was just ridiculous.

Standing in front of her in identical robes with identical grins, they looked like giant handsome puffballs. Handsome? Ok just puffballs.

Suddenly James puffball, lets call him tweedledee, jumped forward and asked; "Will you go out with me?"

Then the Sirius puffball, obviously Tweedledum, jumped next to him and asked; "Will you go out with him?"

Lily took a step back, only to find the same process happen again. This was just creepy.

The seem thing happened again, and again, and again…

"Ahhh!" screamed Lily, "will you keep doing this until I say yes?"

"Well Tweedlederrrr" they simultaneously replied.

She'd always thought they unnaturally close, always seemed to be thinking and doing the same thing but this was just disturbing.

She began retreating faster, only for them to hop faster. _Must escape!_ Thought Lily, and with that she picked up the edge of her robe and pelted away faster than she would have thought possible.

Back in the clearing the two puffy people turned to each other.

"Ah well, better luck next time."

"Indeed, better luck next time."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Lily eventually stopped running when she thought she'd lost the inflated duo, but walked on, just incase. From nearby she heard voices.

"Come now, you really must have some tea!" This voice sounded familiar.

"No really, I must be going." So did this one.

"Now really, we insist!"it was confirmed, all three were known.

"Well only a quick one."

All right do what they ask you! Typical bloody rabbit.


	4. more tea?

A/N Sorry it's taken so long to update, I've been way busy! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!

In the clearing was a table. On the table was a sumptuous feast of tea things. This was not the problem, what was was the occupants of said tea-party.

Firstly was the rabbit she had been through so much to catch up with, merrily sipping tea no less! Next to him was another boy dressed up as a rabbit, she hoped this wouldn't catch on.

"Black, why the hell are you dressed as a rabbit? And you better not have had any influence over Remus' outfit!"

He looked mildly surprised, "I beg your pardon miss but I think you'll find that _I _am a hare." Somehow he managed to make this aloof statement with much dignity which took a lot of effort considering the bunny ears on his head.

Of course the strangest looking _thing_ in the picture was of course Potter. Dressed in a bright red waistcoat, a purple cravat with a monocle on one eye and a top hat just covering his messy hair he looked like a regal nut case.

"I'm not even going to ask." She muttered then turned on Remus, "allright bunny-boy, I want answers!"

He merely looked up with benign innocence, "tea?" he asked holding up one of the many teapots.

"No no my friend, do not offer her _that_ teapot!" cried James, his monocle falling off at the last exclamation mark.

"Why ever not?"

"Because that teapot contains the not important to this scene rat!" exclaimed Sirius. Lily winced, this scene had too many exclamation marks, they hurt her head.

Remus looked at the teapot a minute then shrugged, tossing it over his shoulder he reached for another.

"I don't want tea! I want answers! What in Merlin's name are you all doing here!" the exclamation mark bug was catching.

"Multi-rolling!" they replied simultaneously.

"Because there are so many roles and so few players Hatter and I are filling in seeing as we're so devilishly handsom." Explained Sirius as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

They all grinned at her manically and started shifting up the seats closer to her. Lily was scared, very scared, this was worse than the clams.

"Your all mad, especially you!" and then she turned on her heels and ran.

"Well that was strange."

"A most unaccommodating guest."

"We didn't even get to find out if it was her unbirthday."

"Ah well, more tea for us."

"You're not insulted by her last comment are you Hatter?"

"Of course not, if anything I'm rather pleased, she obviously learnt my name, unlike yours."

"Yes, mad is certainly closer than bunny-boy."

"More tea?"

**A/N What do you think? I didn't think Lily could take as much of them as Alice could. That last comment is about James being the Mad Hatter if you didn't get it. Hope you liked it, review please!**


	5. random intermission of pointless events

A/N Wow, what have I been doing since I last update? Well, a lot. But I'm back again now! And I've almost finished! Two more chappies plus an epilogue. Thanks so much to all my lovely reviewers, without which I probably would never get this done!

**Disclaimer: Not mine sob **

**Marauders live on!!!!**

As with most previous chapter beginnings Lily found herself running away, to be fair she had spent _all_ chapter beginnings running but, to be fair, sometimes it had been towards something whilst others had found her running away, well we need some variation otherwise it would get a bit repetitive now wouldn't it?

This time however Lily had learnt from her mistakes and was now aware that if she just kept running she would, no doubt just bump into some marauders. So she just slumped down where she had stopped. So that was how Dumbledore had reached his ripe old age, swanning about so peacefully, you never found him running! Yes, he defiantly had it right; over-exertion was NOT good.

Silently vowing that when she caught them she was going to make them do just as much running as she had, she looked around and noticed that a large army of weird creatures had descended upon her, some were even trying to cuddle up to her! Quickly she pulled out her wand and blasted it, this had the double effect of removing a possible threat and making all the others back away.

Well it was it's own fault! Schmoozing up to her when she didn't even know _what _it was, plus it was making her feel weepy, like she should just break down and sing a soppy song about her predicament! A sure sign for dark magic indeed.

After recovering from that episode she realised that she wasn't quite as alone as she thought.

Honk Honk 

Yep

Honk Honk 

Getting annoying

Honk honk 

Lily's eye twitched

Honk Honk 

Right, that was it. Turning around, she glared her **sizzle,fry and DIE!** Glare.

"Peter? WTF!!!" Peter, or the freakish duck like mutant Peter who just happened to be carrying a honker, winced at the combined glare and screech and mumbled something inaudible.

"what? Never mind, just leave me alone, your just not important to this scene."

"or the last one! Or the one before that! Oh it's alright for you miss MAINCHARACTER, but what about me huh? This is my only fricken scene!!!"

Pause

"Can you go away now?"

"NO!" and with that he picked up the honker and began honking it with renewed vigor. Lily just rolled her eyes and walked off, thinking about how atleast the marauders were reasonably entertaining, even if they did drive her up the wall.

After walking and contemplating the meaning of life and what the hell the marauders had to do with it she came across some flower beds that could have rivalled the school greenhouses.

She stared at the flowers, they stared back. Creepy. After much contemplation on the part of both species a daisy spoke up.

"What are you?"

Lily crossed her arms at theunwitting insult.

"I think you mean WHO am I."

"Errr, yeah?"

"I'm Lily"

"Oh" The flowers seemed to think about this.

"Not a weed?"

"No."

"Well…I guess that's ok then."

Lily marched passed. 'well that was pointless' was the only thought that crossed her brain.

**A/N And there you have it. If you didn't think it was as good as the other chapters blame it on the absence of marauders (peter doesn't count). But an appearance shall be made in the net chapter, please REVIEW, it motivates me (sad but true)**


End file.
